| WEDDING
CUSTOMS
by Father Gabe
Have you ever wondered why we follow certain
customs for weddings. I have. So, here we go.
First, let’s start with the ENGAGEMENT.
Thousands of years ago, it was not uncommon for a man to kidnap
a young women from a neighboring village, especially if there
was a shortage of young, available women in his own village.
Because of this, it became essential that he take the woman
into hiding and only the man’s closest friend knew of
the location. Interestingly, the symbolic custom of carrying
the bride over the threshold of her new home also comes from
the earlier abductions when women were literally grabbed off
their feet and carried away. Emerging from hiding took place
only when the man felt it was safe enough.
Why WEDDING RINGS?
There are many theories. One view holds that the modern
ring is symbolic of chains and cuffs used by barbarians to tether
a bride to her abductor’s house. If true, then it is an
easy conclusion that today’s double ring ceremonies are
an expression of an increasing equality between the sexes.
Probably the Egyptians developed the concept
of using the ring at a marriage. Archaeologists date rings back
to Egypt around 2800 BC. In their culture, a circle symbolized
eternity, having no beginning or end. Thus placing the ring
on the finger of the bride was symbolic of the man’s eternal
love - having no beginning or end. In ancient times, the giving
of the ring was an extreme expense and usually limited to the
wealthy.
However, Tertullian, a second century Christian
teacher, indicated that many young men of limited means invested
all they had into the purchase of a gold ring. He also indicated
that most women owned nothing of gold expect the single marriage
ring placed on one finger. Also, because the ring was so valuable,
the average woman in those days wore the gold band only in public.
At home, according to Tertullian, she wore a ring of iron.
So what about the ENGAGEMENT
RING? Why does the expectant bride receive a diamond
ring? A diamond ring represented ‘earnest money.’
If a man reneged on a marriage pledge, the woman and her family
kept the ring. If the woman broke the engagement, she was to
forfeit the ring.
This custom, though long in existence, was
solidified by Pope Nicholas I in 860. Nicholas was a fierce
defender of the sanctity of marriage and even decreed an engagement
ring to be a requirement whenever a proposal of marriage was
made. He also stipulated that the ring was to be made of a valued
metal, preferably gold, because this would represent a financial
sacrifice by the future husband. In that century, Catholic authorities
placed great consequences on those who broke engagement promises.
The Council of Elvira excommunicated for three years the parents
of any man who ended the engagement. However, if a woman broke
off an engagement for “invalid” reasons, her parish
priest had the authority to sentence her to a nunnery for life.
WOW!
Why does the bride carry
FLOWERS? Most likely in ancient times, flowers had the
ability to influence future events for the good. With that in
mind, flowers began to appear at weddings to symbolize for the
bride and groom a future of happiness. If you recall as a youngster,
at least I do, the little game we played with flower petals:
“She loves me. She loves me not.” Its origin “stems”
from this belief that flowers indeed can impact a couple’s
future.
When the bride tosses her bouquet to a group
of unmarried women at the wedding feast, it is hoped and believed
that the catcher will soon marry well.
Why does the bride wear a WHITE
WEDDING GOWN? The most common view is that white symbolizes
the purity and innocence of the bride. It also symbolizes the
wife’s acceptance of a simple lifestyle and simple values.
In ancient Greece, white is the color of joy, as we see in our
church liturgical colors for joyful feasts and holydays. Still
today, white remains the most popular color for a wedding dress.
There tends to be a little superstition about wearing other
colors. Again, one might remember a little rhyme to this effect:
“Married in red, you’d better be dead. Married in
yellow, you’re ashamed of the fellow. Married in green,
you’re ashamed to be seen. Married in pink, your spirits
will sink.” Only white escapes the criticism: “Married
in white, you’ve chosen right.”
TIE THE KNOT? I
am sure you are familiar with this term. This refers to a custom
dating back 3000 years to ancient Babylonia. At that time, in
the marriage ceremony, friends of the couple would take one
thread from the bride’s clothing and one thread from the
groom’s clothing and tie them together to symbolize the
pair’s eternal union. If you have been to some of our
local weddings, you may have heard in the prayer: “Whom
God has joined together, let no man separate.” Of course,
we read it in the scriptures also.
How about the throwing of
RICE and CONFETTI? Confetti has its roots in ancient
Rome when Romans tossed nuts, sweets or wheat over a bride to
insure her fertility. In other areas similar rituals were enacted
to guarantee that a bride would be fertile and bear many children.
Objects tossed included slippers, cakes and handfuls of rice.
Rice throwing had a different meaning in Asia where it was believed
that jealous male and female demons were lurking nearby to wreck
a couple’s happiness. Rice, thrown at the wedding, was
a good for those evil spirits and was thought to feed and placate
them. This practice is still used, but many churches, including
ours, deplore it for insurance purposes and clean-up tasks.
BRIDESMAIDS AND
GROOMSMEN. Once again, the evil spirits are to blame.
In ancient times, a bride chose her bridesmaids to be look-alikes.
The job of each bridesmaid was to resemble, as closely as possible,
the bride. This strategy was designed to confuse evil spirits,
who, overcome with jealousy, would try to ruin the brides’s
happiness. Reasoning was that if the bride surrounded herself
with look-alikes, the demons would be confused and unable to
pick out the bride. In Roman times, their civil law called for
a marriage to have 10 witnesses. Thus, the custom of bridesmaids
and groomsmen emerged. Also bridesmaids and groomsmen could
be called upon to defend a betrothed couple from attack. It
was not unusual for a rival suitor and his companions to show
up at a wedding to carry off the bride.
Prayer
Prayer is our way of communicating
with God. People all over the world whether Christian or non-Christian
pray in some fashion or other. It is our way of invoking the
divine blessings upon ourselves and on those for whom we pray.
I am frequently asked to pray for a loved
one who may be terminally sick, hospitalized for surgery, or
recovering from an illness. And I am more than happy to do so.
Let me shed some light on the Catholic Church’s
teaching about prayers for healing. The Church recognizes two
kinds of healing: natural healing which is accomplished by the
forces of nature with some human assistance; and, supernatural
healing which is accomplished by God’s special intervention.
An example of natural healing is the practice of medicine. An
example of supernatural healing is miraculous healing that,
by definition, cannot be explained by natural forces.
From the time of Christ Himself, Christians
have always prayed to God for healing. Nevertheless, Christians
who petition God for healing are not attempting to control or
manipulate God. Our prayers, no matter how earnest and devout,
cannot force God to perform a healing. God is not subject to
our manipulation. We pray for healing for ourselves and others,
but we cannot control whether or not God answers our prayers.
We can teach others to pray for healing, but we cannot teach
them how to control the divine healing power. Rather, a Christian
petition for healing should always be a humble appeal for God’s
grace.
If you want to know more about prayer, the
Vatican’s Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faith provides
an excellent “Instruction on Prayers for Healing.”
You can find the entire text by going to the Vatican website
at http://vatican.va and doing a search on “Prayers for
Healing.” Also, you can look it up in The Catechism of
the Catholic Church.
Each of us is in need of healing. However,
we need to turn to God not only when tragedy strikes or we get
seriously ill, but every day. We seek healing for ourselves
and others, trusting in God’s plan for us. We are a people
of faith. We know that Christ continues to bring us healing
and hope, now and forever. In times of trouble, communicate
with God. He will never abandon you.
|
